Goodbyes

All good things must come to an end. And in the case of my trip to Kinangop, Kenya, I certainly wasn't ready to leave. Unfortunately, I actually tried to bump my flight back for an extra couple of weeks, but the airlines wouldn't allow me to get any kind of refund on the flight that I already had so that definitely wasn't an option. But then again, are we ever really ready to say goodbye? I feel like each and every one of the days I was able to spend with the kids at IAA was a blessing, and I'm so thankful for every moment I was able to stay.

My last days there were full of a mix of emotions. On one hand, I was doing my best to soak up every last bit of my experiences there, while at the same time I always had it nagging at me in back of my head that my time was in fact, limited.

I began exchanging letters with Sheilah the last couple of weeks. She's the oldest girl who lives on site, and she's much quieter than most of the others. Unlike the toddlers who immediately run up to greet you upon arrival, the older kids take a bit more effort to get to know. They won't just come up to you and talk about your day, but for some reason the effort required to get to know them seems to make things that much more personal. Since Sheilah was never particularly one to talk to any of the volunteers, I spent lots of time just sitting with her, or even doing a bit of talking to myself. I would ask her questions, yes - but that doesn't mean I'd get too many responses. But before long, she began to open up little bit by little bit. When she wrote me a note one evening, I was so excited to write her back. She'd leave notes and gifts (bracelets I'll treasure forever) under my door at night, then I'd be able to have a response ready when we picked everyone up from school.

When it came to the day I was flying out, it really hadn't hit me that I was leaving. Things were normal for the most part, and there was a lot to do. (Particularly since a medical team was coming in a couple of days - inspiration for the staff to do a bit of "spring" cleaning in the middle of their wintertime.) I brought Jacob along for the ride to pick up the kids from school one last time, and by the time we made it back on site he was fast asleep, drooling as usual. I handed him off to Sara so I could begin my goodbyes.

First was Mum Jane. I had completely held myself together until she began to cry - then suddenly I couldn't talk. Thoughts were racing through my head about everything I wanted to tell her - how much respect I have for her, how much I wanted to thank her, how much I was going to miss her and the kids, and what an incredible time I'd had - yet all I could choke out was that I loved her.

I went in the next room to find Teresiah and Sheilah standing, watching me blankly as I completely lost my composure. Hugging them and telling them how much I loved them seemed like it wasn't nearly enough knowing that I'm really unaware whether or not I'll ever see them again.

The toddlers were distracted, running around the dorm and having a good time as usual, but adorable little Sharon was kind enough to take a moment and say her goodbyes. Just like each night before bedtime, she took my face and gave me a slobbery kiss on the forehead, on one cheek, and then the other - finishing it with an "Auntie, and me?" Requesting me to return the favor, of course.

Christine was already waiting in the van while I ran up to say one last goodbye to the rest of the girls and all the boys. Then, suddenly, I was on my way home. Of course I was missing it in certain regards - but I still couldn't believe how fast time had gone. It was a strange mixture of so much that had happened within the past six weeks, yet I have no idea where it all fit in.

I tried my best to hold back my tears as our driver, Alex turned to me as we headed back to Nairobi jokingly asking, "Do you want to go home that bad? You spent too much time here, you're so upset!"

I laughed, "Not exactly."

I hope that one day I can return to IAA to see all of the kids again. Ruthie's constantly runny nose, Joy and her "Buddah Belly" and incredible imitations of everything you do, Moses and "how was school?", Lydia's crazy bedtime stories, Milka's dancing, Faith's deep belly laugh, Jacob's drooling and constant need for human contact, and on and on. But I also hope that I can move on to continue to discover people who may be able to use my help even more, and I hope to continue to learn from them and my experiences to come - whatever or wherever they may be.

I miss each and every one of the people I left behind. More than anything else, I miss being able to spend my time constantly loving on the kids. We all need to be loved - it's a given. And it's an incredible feeling to spend your time constantly knowing that you're living to serve and to offer every bit of love that you have for whoever is there to accept it. That doesn't mean it's always easy. When the toddlers start hitting, the older kids stop talking, and the babies start screaming - that love has to come along with a little more patience. But that's why its all a learning experience. And I have a lot left to learn.